Tay’s Concussion Diary: Entry 1 - I miss her
Well this feels good - I started something I’ve been thinking about doing ( giving myself a pat on the back) lately I’ve felt pulled in every direction. Some days I feel happy and motivated and I want to scream from the roof tops “I KNOW I CAN HAVE THE LIFE I WANT” and the other days couldn’t be any different. I feel like I’ve been stuck on this roller coaster for a while now and I’d like to get off. Cause frankly .. I don’t think I can stomach it anymore. I’d like it if I could easily sort through my thoughts without anxiety coming in and stealing the show. I want to be better, I want to move on from this concussion. I want to leave it in the dust. I’ve decided to start this concussion diary not only for you to understand or relate to my issues... but I’m also doing it for myself. I feel like my thoughts need a place to rest. Like once I put them here maybe they won’t take up so much space. I’ve been reaching for everything and anything to feel better - yoga, mindset coaching, psychology, meditation. One day I feel like I’ve finally got a grasp on things and that I can do life, and then the next day I’m met with a rushing feeling - everything is too much. At this point I always revert back to my bed. I’ll lay there all day if I need too. I’ll lay there until I feel strong enough to get up.. some days I don’t even get that far. I have been trying to heal from this concussion since may 27th, 2019. It’s been a very long road and most days I look back and wonder where the heck the last year and a half went. I feel like I’m losing my life... wasting it if you will. It’s very exhausting being so up and down all the time. I’ve come to realize on my “up” days it’s me shining through - the old Tay just stopping by to say hello .. I wish she would stay. I feel like when she stops by I get so excited, I think “oh my could this be it” I’m better! I’ve got to be.. after all it has been a year and a half right? She always leaves again though - sometimes as fast as she showed up. I’m left tired, emotional and in pain. I wish she would stay, I’ve asked her many times. I miss her and I love her.